Doodler

Ate a cafe with my dad, they served cream for my coffee in this bowl, signed by Micheal Jackson. Random. I wonder if it is his real autograph?. Am i stupid for even thinking it could be possibly legit? Well maybe i am, but at least i have optimism in my life.

Do you ever wish you were good a certain thing, and you're just not? For me that is drawing. I talk to my dad often about how i feel that i am "missing out" on certain aspects of life because nursing school takes up every aspect of my life. Its just I get this overwhelming sensation to sit down and draw. I see a blank piece of paper and I just want so badly to create my thoughts into an image. I just can't. A teacher once said to me in high school "You can do anything you want, but you can't everything"- Mr.Rosell. I feel that is true, however it makes me mad. Why can't i do it all? Why can't i be a nurse, an amazing dancer, singer, artist, photographer, cook, fashion designer?..Huh? Who says no? I tell myself No. I know i can't do it all. It is hard for me to accept that i guess. Sometimes i wonder how i pick which ones i want the most, but i better pick- or soon i won't become anything. I suppose some day if i truly want to be decent at drawing, i will take a drawing class and devote time to sit and draw and to find inspiration. But for now my awful doodles will have to do.

M

Decisions i make i can’t take back
The consequences set me on a different track
Not only do i wish to have a second chance
But also hope that people won’t judge me with just a glance

Yes, I admit that I have regret
Certain things done I haven’t forgotten just yet
Silence brings
Many things

I regret to regret for the things that have made me this
It’s a never ending process, these thoughts I do not miss
To forgive ones self for the mistakes they’ve made
Is often the hardest person to forgive, but do not be afraid.

Nothing is perfect or sure to be
But this I know,if you forgive you, you will be free

Eye Opener

I forgot to mention that this Sunday, I met up with a dear friend of my Lena and we went to mass together. Let me tell you a quick background on my friendship with Lena. I've known her since probably elementary school, our fathers went to school together. We attended Sunday school together, and our community had summer activities that i remember seeing her at. We live in neighbor towns, so obviously are schools were rivals and we were friends from dance, plays, sports etc. About 4 years ago I was invited to this Riverbend Tec thing...i had NO idea what it was. Literally went with no idea what it was. Well I knew that Lena was going so i figured okay at least i'll know one person. Anyway, it was  3 day retreat where it was all about improving our faith, we never knew the time, or the plan for the day, and little did we know our friends, families, teachers, and community would be there waiting for us in a candle light gym on our last day as a tecite. During this experience me and Lena grew immensely close, there was an unspoken connection that we shared that nobody could possibly understand. Sitting in a dark church for 3 hours not speaking a word and having Lena sitting down the pew from me was a feeling I'll never forget. Anyways, she ended up going to a College in the same town I did, after the first year she transferred. After mass this Sunday, an old lady invited us down for coffee and donuts- we though oh great this is a small parish and we don't know anybody. We politely accepted for the free food and joined her. We sat by her and another old lady who's name was Mary Lou. We talked for at least an hour, they told us their long friendship story and the troubles they've been through. One was widowed, the other happily married for 54 years. I never thought that going to mass could turn into making such a strong connection with an 82 year old woman. I guess my whole thought about this blog is that you can try and plan what is going to happen, or have certain expectations...but you truly never know what is about to come your way. For me this was the most simple, beautiful interaction of connecting with a complete stranger and hearing the wisdom she has gained over her life here on Earth. A brunch at church...who woulda thought?

St. John's Catholic Church

Lena and I circa St. Pattys' Day 2010

Live Loud

Most who know me know that I am very spontaneous. I don't care what people think, which is good- but can have its downfalls at times. I think that is why i am so obsessed with Rihanna's album LOUD. She is a living example of what i want to be. Her sexy red hair is vibrant, her fashion is unique, and she speaks her mind in her lyrics. My blog today comes from my insane impatience I have for the Rihanna concert. I am just utterly infatuated with her.  I've gotten comments about getting "dressed up" when i don't need be...ya know what?. i love heels. and i love doing my hair, make up, and my favorite thing to do is putting together an outfit. If i want to be dolled up to go to taco bell, thats my choice. Is it soo horrible that i like to feel sexy? I'm almost 21,  i'm a young, fiery, sexy, free spirited woman and im gonna do me. The thing about me is, depending on my mood, i will rock black leggings and an oversize tee and feel sexy as hell, and others may think i'm a scrub, but doesn't matter, all that matters is how i feel about myself. For all you haters that think sexy is slutty, you are idiots. Living loud is more than just fashion style, it means live loud in every aspect of your life. If you are passionate about something i.e. a certain cause like volunteer work, whether its photography, cooking, gardening, or dance be unique with it, make it yours, do something that you haven't done before- and if it turns out horrible, well in the words of Rih "Never a failure, always a lesson."

Fur Vest

I am a strange creature. I have a fur vest, and did not where it during the winter. Now that it is spring i decided to where it. Not sure why, makes me look like an eskimo, but it is phenomenal. It made me desperately want a big fur jacket for next winter, like the one edie sedgwick wore. Skinny jeans and flats went perfectly with my outfit. Found some amazingly pretty v-neck tees for spring, gonna match it with headbands, skinny jeans, and my black fringed boots/flats/heels [depending on my mood.] My roommate set out starburst by the way- I HATE when people do that, its not like i can walk by the bowl without grabbing one or two. She is a bitty. Good bye eskimo, hello spring girl.

{Photo Cred: Elle Puncho}

Practice is not perfection.

I've been working on a dance, and i just don't seem to like the way it is turning out. It is so frustrating, practice does not make perfect, just makes you realize what else is wrong and you can always set a new goal of perfection. My muscles are getting pretty exhausted, just wanted to update yew peeps on my re-found dedication to dance. Can't wait to get in the studio!

Goofy candid that accidentally took- made me laugh so thought i'd share it even though its ridiculous. :)

Lazy Daisy

Do you ever have those days where you know you should be productive? And if your not you know you will be mad at yourself for it....well today is that day for me. I decided to run some errands get my license renewed since i'm soon to be 21. I couldn't help but taking a detour through the city and enjoy all the people out walking and enjoy the warmth. Driving is stressful in the cities, but can also be a great stress reliever. Listening to the radio, window open, not thinking about my to do list and enjoying time to myself is just the greatest feeling. I encounter a lot of different things while driving, almost a new perception of the world at times. Whether it is some person in a crazy outfit, a homeless man, or a lady who jay walks because she is in such a hurry. All these people have their own stories, and i try to think of different scenarios of how they got to where they are today. Kinda creepy i know, but people fascinate me. Anways gonna do some spring cleaning, sweep the garage, by a tote to store my wintaa clothes in and pull out the tees, capris, and cute tops. Today i'm just gonna be a lazy daisy.

Growing Up

Sometimes life seems to go by so slow. Especially like when you are waiting for something...like the Rhianna concert. EEEE! With everything that has been going on in my life, it is unfortunate that i don't get to spend as much time with my family as i wish. When i lived at home, i couldn't wait to break free. My family has always been pretty close and tight bound. I never really get homesick, i just miss spending time the 3 of us. Even if it was watching some dumb reality show and making fun of every contestant on the show. Last fourth of July we drove to Chicago the 4 of us to see our favorite band [Guster.] That was the most fun couple days i've ever had. I am who i am today because of my family. It may not all be perfect, and yes we still have disagreements, but at the end of the day they are the ones i fall back on. So i guess lately i just have felt i haven't dedicated enough time to my parents, and especially my brother. Growing up has its downfalls, and its important that we know which relationships are priority. And for me that is my family. 'Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten. Even though I am off on my own life adventure now, creating my own path and starting my own life, my family will never be far from me. At the end of the day, they are the ones that matter.

                                                                       my mom :)

                                                                        my boys

                                                my family in Chicago after the Guster concert
                                                      {it down poured the entire concert}

Amazing Because It Is

Rainy, windy day. I initially woke up thinking, oh great gonna be another gloomy day, came to class in leggings and a sweatshirt. Took a test, listening to lecture, and have multiple meetings i have to go to tonight. Seems like a pretty average day right? And ya you're right, it is pretty typical, nothing "exciting" has occurred to me today. But for some reason, today is beautiful. Despite the rain, the gray cloudy sky, and my hair lookin' ridiculous from all this wind, i love today. April is a wonderful month, planting flowers, wearing skirts and sitting on my deck listening to music is what i am looking forward to. Having something to look forward to is a beautiful thing. So your life isn't what you thought it be? You wake up and think...how did i get here? Life is an adventure, and its amazing because it is.

I love spring and comfy chairs

Sunshine and Wine

Today was wonderful. Woke up next to my favy boy evur. Went tanning, (which i don't do often) so that was a treat, went to the gym, got lunch with a friend i haven't seen in a while, then we went and enjoyed the baseball game. The warmth of the sun on my skin felt so good, didn't realize how much i had missed it. Went back to my girls' apartment and we enjoyed wine, conversation and having the windows open with the sun shining in. Back home to the city and time to get on my grind and hit the books. I love wine, thinking of making it my signature draank for the summa.. Celebrate spring, be happy. xo