Nom Nom

Had 2 tests this week. Got a B on my first one. I know i shouldn't be disappointed but for as much as i studied i was hoping for an A. Late night crammin' wif some of my nursing kitty's. Feeling stressed we decided to make some much needed food. Sometimes, you just have to enjoy the things that aren't good for you. skinny is in, but so is not constantly worrying about calories. Nothing taste as good as it feels to be skinny, but you still must enjoy the little things in life. Such as a late night pan of smores' bars wif my friends. I am just so happy. I don't know why i am so blessed, but regardless of my ridiculous school schedule, I will not let it determine my mood. Even if i tried to be grumpy-- i couldn't because i am surrounded by the most beautiful people inside and out. Shout out to Jill, Carrie, Nick, Mattie, Ellen, my parents and my favvy nursing gurls. you know who you are. xo.

Mr. & Mrs

This is the story of when boy meets girl...

Freshman year I went to a frat party...typical right? I had a couple of close girlfriends who introduced me to my current best friend Megan. One night at a college party we asked her to be our roommate for sophomore year. Through out the year i started spending more and more time with her. Our living room was quite empty- so we searched craigslist for couches. We found an ugly red and black plaid one from a place in Lacrosse. The only problem was transportation. So she said her friend had a truck and could drive us. I remember running out of the house with meg laughing and climbing into the back of this guys' truck. Nick obviously was the "friend with the truck". He put on some throwback rap and sang the whole time. I remember thinking man this guy is cute. When we arrived at the place Megan got out of the truck to talk to the guy, and she said we had to back the truck in closer- so i hopped in the front seat. I remember thinking to myself i would love to date this guy simply just because it felt "right" sitting next to him in the truck. It is just absolutely ridiculous that i felt that at that moment...who would have guessed i was sitting next to my future husband?

Driving back from the furniture place in a snow storm, an ugly couch in the back of the truck covered in tarp, i of course was all upset and anxious. But not Nick, he was having a blast, driving like a maniac, and blaring rap music. We unloaded it and he went home.

I didn't see him for probably a month after that, i started hanging out with "the gang" and seeing him around more often. The week of finals in December of 2009, i invited him, josh, and cody over. We played 500 with popcorn and drank in my living room. It was a blizzard out so all 3 of them crashed on the floor. At this point i new i liked Nick. His personality and mine just clicked.

We all headed home for Christmas break, i really didn't think about him THAT much while at home, it was rumored that he liked this girl "Addie" {who i am now also great friends with} Well the New Year's Party rolled around and him and Addie were officially dating as of that night. Little did he know that that night i had told all the girls in our circle of friends that i liked him. So it was a disappointment to find out that he now had a girlfriend. They all told me that he liked me and that he just didn't know you that well yet and basically they were just trying to keep me positive. But i had given up. My new years kiss that year was his best friend Cody- who now dates my best friend/roommate Meg.

The 4 of us are great friends in case you are wondering! Since i had become great friends with the group i saw Nick around a lot even though he was dating someone. We talked every once in awhile online or texting, and sometimes i thought he was flirting with me but i promised myself i would not be the girl who was liking another girls boyfriend. I wouldn't. I made a promise to myself and i am so happy i kept that promise. So a month went by, then it was Feb. 12th (Nick's birthday.) We had a great big party for him- which ended with broken windows, me hiding under a table, and a person with a gun. It was intense. Than it was Valentine's Day. Megan and I were both so bummed, since neither of us were dating the boys we liked. So we decided to prank people. Typical. March rolled around...I truly thought i would never be with Nick. So i had been casually dating other people. Well a few days before spring break (2nd week in March) i got the news that him and addie had broken up. That weekend before everyone left for break me, meg, cody, and nick hung out. The boys went to the WI Dells for break, and meg came to my hometown with me. Nick forgot his phone charger so i got to talk to him for only 2 days of spring break. At this point he had told me he had feelings for me, and i declared that i did for him as well. Upon returning from spring break we hung out almost everyday. Went for walks, went to a drive in diner, watched movies, and partied with all of our friends.

Our first photo together..taken March 15th,2010. We weren't dating at this point, we didn't want to rush anything. Especially since i was awaiting the news if i had been accepted to the nursing program. If i was i would have to move about an hour north from where he went to school, to finish off the 2 of 4 years of a BSN. St. Patricks Day was a turning point in our relationship. I didn't care what my friends were doing, I just wanted to be where he was going to be. On March 30th we were watching Scrubs at his place, we were cuddling and i was about to fall asleep. And he just asked me "Hey Marissa..Do you want to be my girlfriend?" I calmly said "yeah of course", even though my heart was screaming with excitement on the inside.

We spent all summer together. We both had jobs, we grilled out, went to the rope swing, made trips to the cities, twins games, shopping. When i know i truly fell in love with him was when we went to his hometown in August and him and i and his 2 younger brothers were playing baseball in the front yard. He was tackling zach and was just so happy and kind to his family. I remember just sorta zoning out and thinking- man i love this guy.

I can't wait to start our lives together.
And they lived happily ever after.

Simple Living

My favorite moments in life are when i'm living simply. Laying in the grass with my bestie listening to music, attending a free music show and the performers suck, or just laying on my bed reading a book. It is odd isn't it? That simple moments like these is when i have flashes of clarity about life. We each have taken our life and made it our own. Fashion is the best way for me to express myself. Right now i feel frustrated with my wardrobe. Of course i have fashion icons such as edie sedgewick, rihanna, and kate moss. All three of these beautiful women have completely different fashion types, however they inspire me to create art with what i wear. It doesn't matter if its a 100 shirt from urban outfitters, or one i found at a thrift store for a dollar. I will make it my own and glam it up with whatever else i have lying around the house. My 2 favorite fashion things: high heels, bold chunky eyelashes. Simple living is the lifestyle for me. I don't need no diamond rings or a delicate string of pearls. I just need good friends, good music, good books, and awesome clothes. The rest doesn't matter.

phew

Just got home from a 12 hour clinical. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. The tough thing about nursing is keeping you emotions at work. Seeing people at their worst is not something I enjoy. People are my favorite thing in the whole world. Seeing people/patients be so strong at the most vulnerable time in their life- makes me feel like a wimp. Having a breakdown about a bad grade or a boy or a fight i had with a friend seems so pointless. Life is short, so incredibly short. Take it one day at a time, and make the best of it. There is no promise of tomorrow. Tonight I am going for a run at midnight, going to blare my ipod and just run and enjoy the cold breeze on my face. Just ate some noodles, which were generic, stale and gross, i have legit 5 food items in this house, and just paid rent today so am left with about $18.32 in my bank account to last me 8 days. That's alright, i get to spend more time at home then; with the lack of money i won't be able to go out and buy things, this way i can go on late night runs instead of late night taco bell runs. I spent my cash i had saved up for my tattoo on laundry detergent, dinner, and a gift for my boy. and i'm okay with that. Best be gettin' to my paper work and studyin' for my tests' (thursday, friday and monday. wah.) Maybe it'll start raining when i run? or i'll meet a fellow midnight runner and we'll have the best life talk ever...who knows. love life. phew.

Yoga

It is sad how certain habits fall in and out of your life. But one that i have lost over the years is doing yoga. To me yoga is not just an exercise for the body, but also for the mind and the spirit. I am trying very hard to make it a daily routine to do again. However, this is not always possible. Even if i do it for 20 minutes, it is better than nothing. But i usually like to devote 40-60 minutes just for it. I will update you more on my journey back to yoga...I am excited for the things to come with my new routine. It already has given me peace of mind and tranquility. We all know this world is fast pace and stressful. Yoga lets me retreat from all that...

I like to start by turning off all distractions, lights, tv, cell phones, even my space heater. Quiet. As i sit cross legged on the floor i take deep slow breaths. In through my nose and out through my mouth. I tell myself- i deserve this time. I forget about the "to do list". This simple sitting and breathing technique gets me prepared for the movements i will do. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, other times it may take me 20 minutes, to get my mind in a state of "relaxed". I won't go into too much detail about the actual exercises i do...simply because it is such a simple routine and i've only been doing it about 2 weeks so i don't quite feel ready to try to explain how each motion makes me feel. But at the end of my session, after i have layed in childs pose a few minutes, i sit up- and yep i smile. Even if i don't feel like smiling. I smile. Not sure if its the "proper" way to end a yoga session but for me it refreshes me.

Dancer

I was was in dance starting when i was 4. Ballet was my favorite. I hated tap. I only danced for about 4 years. Got caught up in school and didn't have time to practice. If i wasn't going to be good at it and dedicate a good portion of my time to it, i didn't want to half ass it. Much like playing the piano for me, which i sadly gave up in 8th grade. Sitting in class, listening to music with my headphones, I just want to go back to my old studio, put on music and dance. It won't matter if i'm good, it'll only matter that i love it. When i'm dancing everything else seems to fade away. My mind is clear and i'm alright. I recently got a keyboard for cheap off craigslist. I so badly want to play again. This summer I hope to be able to play as well as i once did. I can't wait to write my own composition, no matter how simple, just knowing that is mine and it came from my mind will be enough. Dance is a great work out. I love to dance with my best friend Carrie, and come up with different routines. I am a dancer at heart, even though it may not show. Can't wait to spend all summer dancing.

Far From Here

Being awake at 1 am. Odd feeling, it seems as i am the only one awake. Late at night is when i get my good thinking in. Today marks the 5 month anniversary of J.B.'s death. For those who don't know, she went to my high school and we babysat down the road from each other for a couple summers. Her boyfriend took her life, long before it was her time. During our weekly picnics me and jess would talk about everything under the sun. She had the kindest spirit. I feel her presence often. It is hard not to dwell in the sadness of her death, and the anger i have for tyler. The empowerment i feel towards aiming my goal of nursing to help those in an abusive relationship is all because of Jessica. In my life time if i could even help 1 person from fleeing a bad relationship, these years of hard work and dedication will have paid off. Nobody will ever be anything like Jessica, she was just the most unique outgoing person, and had a laugh that is embedded in my head. HAD. HAD. It makes me cringe to speak in the past tense about her life. She left behind an 18 month old daughter, which fills my heart with sadness. The tragedy in that is something I can't explain. Where does this sadness come from with in me?  I get so mad at myself sometimes for the way my mind thinks. But that is why i created a site where i can share my thoughts with others, and get these thoughts out there into the world. Ever since starting college i've been struggling with my faith. Being a nursing major and being a catholic just seem to be two things that cannot go together. I know there is more to life than our time here on earth..right? I mean there has to be. Or is what we make ourselves believe so we don't feel so alone?. Hours spent praying, "talking silently in my head" aimed at a God who i am not 100% exists. I do believe in a place far from here. A place where sadness is not a word, and the soul is always content. I do believe the random thoughts i send upward are being heard. I believe because what is the other option?.... My mind is far from where it should be. It should be focused on the chemical composition of medications for parkinson's disease. School seems very trivial in the big scheme of it all. I want to move far from here, far from school, far from this cold state. Far from that park me and Jess spent summers at together. Sometimes i need to be far from the memories so it doesn't seem so real. I am one small person, with many thoughts of far away places. I think of the song "Dust in the Wind." Just a speck of nothing drifiting through this universe, yet i am at the pure brink of consciousness....far from where i ulitmately want to be.

Time to go

So, being in school is tough. I am constantly thinking about the future and what i want to do and where i want to end up. Things are holding me back from the dreams i have created. One being- i need to graduate college. Second being- money. Whoever says money isn't important, didn't have a brain. I am struggling between work, school, family, love, friends and God. Life shouldn't be this complicated. I just want to be. And exist. I don't want to have all these plans, but I do. Life is what you make it. I need to remember that. What you put in is what you get out. My grandpa told me that, amazing man. Most intelligent person i know. Going to focus on losing this winter pudge and enjoy a carefree summer of work and being with my friends and my boy. I feel like the person i am and the person i want to be are far from each other. This summer that is going to change. Nothing is going to hold me back- i hope. Trying to get back to me. The future will happen, time to go with the flow i guess.

About Me

Hello!
My name is Marissa.
I will be graduating from college in 1 short year with a degree in nursing.
I am recently engaged to the most wonderful man in the world.
I am obsessed with coffee, cardigans, yoga, and photography.
I love to run 5K's, dance and eat chocolate.
My favorite time of the year is spring!
I had a graduating high school class of 35.
I am a city girl.
Thrift stores are my weakness.
Someday I will move out to California.

This is my fiance Nick..
He is a true example of what unconditional love is.
He is my best friend, he is a talented rapper.
He is so excited to get married {maybe even more than me, if that's possible}
He loves the summertime and driving around on his moped.
He makes me want to be a better person.