Quirky

Don't be afraid to be yourself just because you aren't like everyone else. Quirky, quirky, quirky, quirky- keep saying that word and it just sounds more goofy each time. Quirky according to urban dictionary is : weird funny unique strange awesome cool odd cute fun random different intelligent silly amazing beautiful individual dork awkward sarcastic. That basically sums up how me and nick are together.

World? I don't know who reads this other than Jill, so sometimes i feel like i am just talking to myself...for all you on lookers that i don't know about. Hello strangers, friends, family? Ha. But Have you ever had someone that you could be 100% yourself around, and they'll make you feel like you're worth a million bucks. Someone you can share the best times and the worst times with? Someone who makes you feel safe, even if there was nothing to be scared of in the first place? Someone that treats you like royalty, and never asks for anything in return? Someone that is constantly complimenting you...Well i've found that person. Sometimes i feel that he is too good for me, and what did i do to deserve such a great man. Seriously though? I don't get why i am so lucky..I can be a royal pain in the arss, i can switch moods at the drop of a hat, i can't accept compliments, i feel that i take more than i give, i give ultimatums, i won't answer the phone until i'm done with my homework assignment, yet none of that seems to bother him. Maybe he is crazy.. Quirky. When we are together, everything else in the world fades away. I can't not smile when i'm around him. We've been together over a year, and my feelings have only grown stronger. Sorry if you get bored that i ramble on, you can exit out of this page at anytime and do something else. Won't bother me, since i don't know who you are. A word of advice be quirky.

Confidence

What is more beautiful than confidence? Nothing. Summer is basically here and i'm feeling confident enough in myself to make a change. Of my hair that is. I always wanted to try something completely different than i've ever had. But due to fear i have not. It's hair, it'll grow back right? Hmm. What i think i'm going to do is cut it to right at my shoulders, so then when i curl it, it'll look something as the image below. I will probably have my bff jill cut it for me, but we'll see what our schedules look like. Its time for me to stop hiding behind this long hair that i never do anything with and be confident with a new fresh hair do.

Also, confidence for me goes not only along with my appearance, but as well as in my school work. Finals are this and next week and i need to believe that i can do good on them. I already feel defeated before having taken the exams. My parents are also not the most happy with me, and i have been upset for the past 3 days about it. I should be confident that they will still support me and be proud of me with what i choose to do in my life. I don't know why i am even questioning that they won't. I guess sometimes even our parents need space from their kids. I don't know how it feels to be a parent, but i know how it feels to be an only daughter. I feel pressure to be what they want me to be, and i have a different idea of who that is than they do. But with the tight bound relationship i have built with my parents over the past 21 years, i know that they will always be there for me even if they don't support the choices i make.. The sunshine today has made me feel a little bit more confident in every aspect of my life. Everything is not always going to play out how we plan it, but how fun would life be if we knew what was about to come? I am an imperfect person. But i will be a confident one.

Gloomy and Ready

Meh. Today is just meh. Sitting here waiting to go to work. Nick went to the casino with his mom and aunt. Just want to go home, getting sick of "all this". The college life, partying, working random shifts, and having no money. I know everyone says there is no rush to grow up, fine i don't want to grow up, but i want to graduate. I want to start a life for myself, have a full time job, and stuff that is actually mine so people can't use it as collateral damage to get what they want from me. Listening to this slow dreary psychodelirium techno music right now probably isn't helping my mood much, ha. It is crazy how each song can make you feel a totally different way. I am just sort of gloomy today. I guess everyone has their days. Right?

I am ready to move on from this stage in my life. But i know if i always am living for the future and never enjoying the present i'm gonna have a pretty boring life. I do feel like a caged bird at the moment. My feathers are getting withered, and i know i need to get out. I am ready to fly.

21

Woke up this morning to breakfast in bed. Fruit loops, english muffin wif peanut butter and juice. nom nom. Went to the library to study for awhile since i have a test on Thursday- I ran into a lot of people i knew which was nice. I know it sounds lame, but i've gotten 120 wall posts so far on my facebook, and it just really makes me happy. Happy that people care enough to take 2 seconds out of their day to wish me a happy birthday. The simplest things in life make me happy, this was proven once again today. Went to Jefferson's with my boy and we got an appetizer and each had a beer. Just sat and talked and watched the snowfall while enjoying are beer. Simple, yet peaceful and wonderful. Best way i could have imagined my first drink being. Also excited to go out with my group of friends tonight. No matter what the weather brings i know everyone will make sure i have a great time. It's an odd feeling being 21. Not how i expected to feel. But i feel happy none the less. And that's what matters.

enjoying my first brewski

Revel within chaos

Have you ever been so happy you feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest? I guess this is a first for me. This past year and a half of my life has been the most chaotic and wonderful time. I just hope that even within all this chaos in your life and in the world, that you can focus on what truly matters and revel. Revel means to make light of, to be merry, and i know that through out my life i will have trials, and more chaos, with bills, children, and family and careers. I just to continue to remind myself that its life. 100 years is not that long, i know 21 is still young, but if i only live to be 90 i am a quarter of the way done with my time here on earth. So i will make the most of this hectic lifestyle i'm living. I would not want to go through this crazy, odd, weird adventure without the one guy who i love more than anything in this world. How lucky am i that i've found my soulmate at the age of 19?. No matter what happens in life, i choose to revel within chaos.

Viva la Juicy

Last night i had some of my friends over for a get together for my birthday. I got viva la juicy perfume and a tank top from my boyfraaands mom. That perfume, i have no words to explain how much i love it. It makes me feel pretty even if i put some on and i'm in a sweatshirt. It is by far my favorite perfume, coming in second would be D&G- Light Blue. I wish i could exclusively only wear viva la juicy, but with my college budget it doesn't always work out how i want. The shirt was a small, it is quite flattering that she thought to get a small for me, it fits great actually! Plus it is a cute white linen one with a string that ties in the back and some lace and white crochet on the bust. With that front design i'd rather have it fit than be a little loose so that when i bend over the person next to me doesn't get a sight. My mom is always about buying clothes bigger than she needs too. She is 5'1 100 pounds and she buys larges.? It's ridiculous, but she likes to be "comfortable" for me wearing a shirt that is so baggy and falling off isn't comfortable. Sorry i am rambling about sizing of clothes. Oh and one thing I never know in situations like this is if I should call to say thank you, write a thank you, email a thank you?. I feel an email is so impersonal, I've never had a serious boyfriend where i have gotten to know his parents well, so this is new territory for me. Ahhh, i am kind of shy when it comes to parents, i've always been that way even with my friends' parents, not sure why. ANYWAYS, last night we all had a great time, dancing, drinking, laughing, etc.. someone had mention to me that the neighbor stopped over and complained. Which makes me so mad, i stood outside in their yard when the music was playing to make sure it wasn't loud, I could not even hear it one bit. Anyways, woke up at 7am this morning to my lovely neighbor ringing the doorbell over and over again. He had to come and prove to us his authority, telling us this will be the first and the last party we ever have, he will get the cops involved, he already contacted our landlords, and claimed there was too much arguing going on last night. Whatever, hope that made him feel like he has power. At any given point there was no more than 15 people at our house, but i guess he feels the need to be "that" neighbor. Woke up to my boyfrand laying in the fetal position with a blanket over his head in front of the door.. haha. i love that boy. Me, him and my best friend jill went out for lunch. Then off to the mall we went, i got some shoes, earrings, and a necklace (all of which were on sale.) Shoes are adorable: black canvas ones $9 dollars at Target. Such a great buy. Oops there goes my pay check from the past two weeks. Hoping i have enough moolah left over for gas money. Tried taking a nap but my head has just been spinning, my man is passed out snoring right now- i think watching me shop and holding my bags/jacket took a lot out of him. I will just be working on homework for the next few hours and then having dinner, going to 2 thrift stores downtown with Nick, i have an appointment at the tattoo shop at 7:30 and then me and Nick might catch a late movie if we aren't too tired. The neighbors aren't going to ruin my great mood, going to be a busy next few weeks with the end of the semester life is so chaotic. Have fun with it. Viva la Juicy.

some of the group that was there to celebrate with me

a not so purdy pic nick took of me {in mah new shirt with my perfume}

Spring Wishes Circa 2011'

1.) 60's floral dress

2.) Do you Lilac it?- my new found obsession

3.) Pearl headband- designed by Stacey Lapidus

4.) Prada- fresh crisp flirty smell. perfect for spring

5.) Light weight mostiurizer- best face lotion i've ever used by far.

6.) Urban Decay Eyeshadow- fun fresh yet subtle colors, at Sephora

7.) High waisted shorts

8.) Hot hair curlers

9.) Leopard Cardigan

10.) Classic black tube top- found at Vanity. I haven't gotten it yet, but hopefully soon.

Spring is such a fun time of the year! There is a lot more that I want, but with trying to save money for certain things, it is tough. Smile everyone. :) The prettiest woman is a happy woman. Same goes for guys. Especially my handsome man, he has a smile that makes my knees go weak.

Do you lilac it?

Had 4 hours of lecture today, it was brutal. Boredom over takes me and I start shopping. I have to wait till tomorrow to order a dress from urban though, thank god its pay day tomorrow. After class, me and Elle were feeling just rotten about ourselves, we looked like crap so we decided to go get manicures. She paid for mine as a birthday gift. It was wonderful, just what i needed on a rainy thursday. I chose a light purple color called- "Do you lilac it" I know i do.

Doodler

Ate a cafe with my dad, they served cream for my coffee in this bowl, signed by Micheal Jackson. Random. I wonder if it is his real autograph?. Am i stupid for even thinking it could be possibly legit? Well maybe i am, but at least i have optimism in my life.

Do you ever wish you were good a certain thing, and you're just not? For me that is drawing. I talk to my dad often about how i feel that i am "missing out" on certain aspects of life because nursing school takes up every aspect of my life. Its just I get this overwhelming sensation to sit down and draw. I see a blank piece of paper and I just want so badly to create my thoughts into an image. I just can't. A teacher once said to me in high school "You can do anything you want, but you can't everything"- Mr.Rosell. I feel that is true, however it makes me mad. Why can't i do it all? Why can't i be a nurse, an amazing dancer, singer, artist, photographer, cook, fashion designer?..Huh? Who says no? I tell myself No. I know i can't do it all. It is hard for me to accept that i guess. Sometimes i wonder how i pick which ones i want the most, but i better pick- or soon i won't become anything. I suppose some day if i truly want to be decent at drawing, i will take a drawing class and devote time to sit and draw and to find inspiration. But for now my awful doodles will have to do.

M

Decisions i make i can’t take back
The consequences set me on a different track
Not only do i wish to have a second chance
But also hope that people won’t judge me with just a glance

Yes, I admit that I have regret
Certain things done I haven’t forgotten just yet
Silence brings
Many things

I regret to regret for the things that have made me this
It’s a never ending process, these thoughts I do not miss
To forgive ones self for the mistakes they’ve made
Is often the hardest person to forgive, but do not be afraid.

Nothing is perfect or sure to be
But this I know,if you forgive you, you will be free

Eye Opener

I forgot to mention that this Sunday, I met up with a dear friend of my Lena and we went to mass together. Let me tell you a quick background on my friendship with Lena. I've known her since probably elementary school, our fathers went to school together. We attended Sunday school together, and our community had summer activities that i remember seeing her at. We live in neighbor towns, so obviously are schools were rivals and we were friends from dance, plays, sports etc. About 4 years ago I was invited to this Riverbend Tec thing...i had NO idea what it was. Literally went with no idea what it was. Well I knew that Lena was going so i figured okay at least i'll know one person. Anyway, it was  3 day retreat where it was all about improving our faith, we never knew the time, or the plan for the day, and little did we know our friends, families, teachers, and community would be there waiting for us in a candle light gym on our last day as a tecite. During this experience me and Lena grew immensely close, there was an unspoken connection that we shared that nobody could possibly understand. Sitting in a dark church for 3 hours not speaking a word and having Lena sitting down the pew from me was a feeling I'll never forget. Anyways, she ended up going to a College in the same town I did, after the first year she transferred. After mass this Sunday, an old lady invited us down for coffee and donuts- we though oh great this is a small parish and we don't know anybody. We politely accepted for the free food and joined her. We sat by her and another old lady who's name was Mary Lou. We talked for at least an hour, they told us their long friendship story and the troubles they've been through. One was widowed, the other happily married for 54 years. I never thought that going to mass could turn into making such a strong connection with an 82 year old woman. I guess my whole thought about this blog is that you can try and plan what is going to happen, or have certain expectations...but you truly never know what is about to come your way. For me this was the most simple, beautiful interaction of connecting with a complete stranger and hearing the wisdom she has gained over her life here on Earth. A brunch at church...who woulda thought?

St. John's Catholic Church

Lena and I circa St. Pattys' Day 2010

Live Loud

Most who know me know that I am very spontaneous. I don't care what people think, which is good- but can have its downfalls at times. I think that is why i am so obsessed with Rihanna's album LOUD. She is a living example of what i want to be. Her sexy red hair is vibrant, her fashion is unique, and she speaks her mind in her lyrics. My blog today comes from my insane impatience I have for the Rihanna concert. I am just utterly infatuated with her.  I've gotten comments about getting "dressed up" when i don't need be...ya know what?. i love heels. and i love doing my hair, make up, and my favorite thing to do is putting together an outfit. If i want to be dolled up to go to taco bell, thats my choice. Is it soo horrible that i like to feel sexy? I'm almost 21,  i'm a young, fiery, sexy, free spirited woman and im gonna do me. The thing about me is, depending on my mood, i will rock black leggings and an oversize tee and feel sexy as hell, and others may think i'm a scrub, but doesn't matter, all that matters is how i feel about myself. For all you haters that think sexy is slutty, you are idiots. Living loud is more than just fashion style, it means live loud in every aspect of your life. If you are passionate about something i.e. a certain cause like volunteer work, whether its photography, cooking, gardening, or dance be unique with it, make it yours, do something that you haven't done before- and if it turns out horrible, well in the words of Rih "Never a failure, always a lesson."

Fur Vest

I am a strange creature. I have a fur vest, and did not where it during the winter. Now that it is spring i decided to where it. Not sure why, makes me look like an eskimo, but it is phenomenal. It made me desperately want a big fur jacket for next winter, like the one edie sedgwick wore. Skinny jeans and flats went perfectly with my outfit. Found some amazingly pretty v-neck tees for spring, gonna match it with headbands, skinny jeans, and my black fringed boots/flats/heels [depending on my mood.] My roommate set out starburst by the way- I HATE when people do that, its not like i can walk by the bowl without grabbing one or two. She is a bitty. Good bye eskimo, hello spring girl.

{Photo Cred: Elle Puncho}

Practice is not perfection.

I've been working on a dance, and i just don't seem to like the way it is turning out. It is so frustrating, practice does not make perfect, just makes you realize what else is wrong and you can always set a new goal of perfection. My muscles are getting pretty exhausted, just wanted to update yew peeps on my re-found dedication to dance. Can't wait to get in the studio!

Goofy candid that accidentally took- made me laugh so thought i'd share it even though its ridiculous. :)

Lazy Daisy

Do you ever have those days where you know you should be productive? And if your not you know you will be mad at yourself for it....well today is that day for me. I decided to run some errands get my license renewed since i'm soon to be 21. I couldn't help but taking a detour through the city and enjoy all the people out walking and enjoy the warmth. Driving is stressful in the cities, but can also be a great stress reliever. Listening to the radio, window open, not thinking about my to do list and enjoying time to myself is just the greatest feeling. I encounter a lot of different things while driving, almost a new perception of the world at times. Whether it is some person in a crazy outfit, a homeless man, or a lady who jay walks because she is in such a hurry. All these people have their own stories, and i try to think of different scenarios of how they got to where they are today. Kinda creepy i know, but people fascinate me. Anways gonna do some spring cleaning, sweep the garage, by a tote to store my wintaa clothes in and pull out the tees, capris, and cute tops. Today i'm just gonna be a lazy daisy.

Growing Up

Sometimes life seems to go by so slow. Especially like when you are waiting for something...like the Rhianna concert. EEEE! With everything that has been going on in my life, it is unfortunate that i don't get to spend as much time with my family as i wish. When i lived at home, i couldn't wait to break free. My family has always been pretty close and tight bound. I never really get homesick, i just miss spending time the 3 of us. Even if it was watching some dumb reality show and making fun of every contestant on the show. Last fourth of July we drove to Chicago the 4 of us to see our favorite band [Guster.] That was the most fun couple days i've ever had. I am who i am today because of my family. It may not all be perfect, and yes we still have disagreements, but at the end of the day they are the ones i fall back on. So i guess lately i just have felt i haven't dedicated enough time to my parents, and especially my brother. Growing up has its downfalls, and its important that we know which relationships are priority. And for me that is my family. 'Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten. Even though I am off on my own life adventure now, creating my own path and starting my own life, my family will never be far from me. At the end of the day, they are the ones that matter.

                                                                       my mom :)

                                                                        my boys

                                                my family in Chicago after the Guster concert
                                                      {it down poured the entire concert}

Amazing Because It Is

Rainy, windy day. I initially woke up thinking, oh great gonna be another gloomy day, came to class in leggings and a sweatshirt. Took a test, listening to lecture, and have multiple meetings i have to go to tonight. Seems like a pretty average day right? And ya you're right, it is pretty typical, nothing "exciting" has occurred to me today. But for some reason, today is beautiful. Despite the rain, the gray cloudy sky, and my hair lookin' ridiculous from all this wind, i love today. April is a wonderful month, planting flowers, wearing skirts and sitting on my deck listening to music is what i am looking forward to. Having something to look forward to is a beautiful thing. So your life isn't what you thought it be? You wake up and think...how did i get here? Life is an adventure, and its amazing because it is.

I love spring and comfy chairs

Sunshine and Wine

Today was wonderful. Woke up next to my favy boy evur. Went tanning, (which i don't do often) so that was a treat, went to the gym, got lunch with a friend i haven't seen in a while, then we went and enjoyed the baseball game. The warmth of the sun on my skin felt so good, didn't realize how much i had missed it. Went back to my girls' apartment and we enjoyed wine, conversation and having the windows open with the sun shining in. Back home to the city and time to get on my grind and hit the books. I love wine, thinking of making it my signature draank for the summa.. Celebrate spring, be happy. xo