Beauty in the breakdown.

^^ Play button. Artist: Frou Frou


Break down number 1 of the semester.

I can't do it all. I can't be everything. I can't make everybody happy. I can't be "perfect".

What a beautiful and humbling life lesson that hit me tonight.

Finding comfort in the ones who I love and who love me.

It doesn't matter what lead up to this, or what is to follow. But in the here and now, all we have is each other..My heart sings of thanks to God for putting certain people in my life.

Quote from ps i love you... {It is true.. ultimately we are alone in this world, but if we are all alone, then we're all together in that too.}

I heard myself saying to Nick "I feel like I have no control"

It hit me.. I shouldn't have control. I should be placing my trust in God. Why do i feel the need to control everything in my life?

That places a lot of pressure on myself. Unnecessary pressure.

Letting go....

2 words..

Why isn't it simpler to just let go?...

Free fall into my future with complete trust.

To have faith that it will all be ok.

Faith. It truly is a gift. One that i have been praying God will instill upon my heart. To have no reservations.

a tuesday night.
a twenty-one year old.
a few tears shed.
a few prayers sent upwards.
a breakdown.
a beautiful realization.

I know tomorrow i won't wake up a new person, or completely changed by tonight's events.

It will be a process.
An adventure.

I can't do it all. I can't be everything. I can't make everybody happy. I can't be perfect.

I will stumble. I will fall.

What is important is that i get back up.

There truly is beauty in the breakdown...

1950's

Jean Patchett and Jayne Mansfield have been inspiring me so much this past month.

I go through such different phases of styles that i adore. The classy chic, red lipstick and pearls look has such an elegance to it.

I got many looks when i styled my hair like this, and had on red lipstick and high lighted the mole by my lower lip. It seems that some people think the 1950's should stay in the 1950's.. I for one think why not take the best of each era and make into something your own.

I feel i am at a constant battle with my hair. I haven't found one style that i truly love and fits me. It is very frustrating, because lets face it- its all about the hair. (well and the face.)

I sometimes think its not even so much the style that i love, but the composure and behaviors that come along with the fashion. It is not good for a pretty lady to speak obscene words, to belch, you want to behave "properly." I get too laid back once in awhile, and i love to refresh my soul and be lady like: i feel better about myself. Not based on the clothes, but how they make me a better person.

There is nothing wrong with a woman having manners, and dressing conservatively in today's society. I for one, feel more beautiful, confident and respectable when i am in a turtle neck than in a low cut shirt. Maybe i don't fit in this generation.. I dream of horse and carriages often, going to opera's and plays instead of to night clubs.Sometimes dreams are better than reality.

Lets be real folks. I listen to Benny Goodman& his orchestra and Aaron Zigman.

But i am happy here as well because Nick is here. I guess God has a reason he put me where i am.

Which era do you feel you belong in?

Last Firsts.

I am a senior in college- in case you didn't know.

Remember in high school all the lasts? The last lunch, the last dance, the last pep rally etc..

I am trying not to think about all the lasts, but it is hard. My friends here are my family. And everything i do with them is bittersweet, knowing it'll be the last first football game i attend as a student.

Here is a dorky picture of me and Nick :) {is it possible to love someone this much?}

It is all bitter sweet. This is going to be one of the best years of my life. But it is going to fly by, and after all is said and done- we will graduate and go seperate ways.

However, i have a sense of comfort, I know that my close group of friends and I will remain friends for life. Even if I don't get to see them every day, or every month, I know that every time we meet for whatever, it'll make it that much more special when i do get to see them.

I am sad about the lasts, but i am so excited for all my firsts with Nick as a married couple.

Did a Zombie bar crawl last night with mah besties.....lets just say we "killed" it.
random tid bid i wanted to share.

Thank you to all my close friends in Winona. I love all of you always. You are family. You know who you are.

Sincerely,
Me.

(booo its Sunday. bleh.)

M loves N.

It is weird being so in love you that everything else falls to the wayside of that.

I always get annoyed when people only talk about their significant other, but sometimes you have to or you feel like your heart will explode. I can say that I have expectations of what marriage will be like, a partnership,spending your life with your best friend, your all in all. For better or worse.

In the midst of planning, after our first meeting with Father Tony, he is starting to make me realize more what a wedding is and what it is not. It is a vow, a commitment to another person, committing your life, and committing that relationship to God. Yes it is fun to plan the colors, and dresses, and food, and etc. a wedding is 1 day, a marriage is a life time. It is important to not have an over the top ceremony, secular music, and other things even as simple as flowers, from taking the attention away from the truly amazing sacrament of marriage.

It has made me re-think about having a flower girl, or an aisle runner etc.. A runner was used back in the day becuase churches had dirt floors, and obviously the bride wore white to symbolize purity, so the dress could not get dirty before reaching the alter.

I hope through out these next few months i don't place importance on the societal focus of marriage (invitations, gourmet food, party favors.) and i am able to put the focus on mine and nick's communication skills and compromise through planning this wedding, in order to better our relationship together and with God for our marriage.


After all, the best things in life are not things.

May you all not get swept away by the societal influences of today.

Happy Friday :)

Click

Here are some images from my grandparents house. On Saturday we had a family picture, and lunch. We had the perfect weather for it- its so nice how everyone can come together for one day, other than on a holiday. The only one who couldn't make it was my brother.

Anna :)

Odie

Grandparents with all their grandchildren.

Girls.

Boys.

Mum and me.

My beautiful parents.

Grandma's homegrown watttamellon.

After eating lunch, Nick came and spent some time with all of the family, its so cute how the little girls just love him. Anna held his hand and when i say "hand" i mean 2 of his fingers because her hands are so tiny.

Went out for burgers at the BlueNote with Nick, watched tv. Sunday morning we toured our reception venue, and had a 2 hour pre-marital counseling session. It couldn't have been a more perfect weekend.

Makes me so eager to graduate and marry Nick and have our own place, and just be together, and live together, and eat every meal together, and go shopping for groceries together.

I don't feel I deserve to be this happy. Why me? {funny how we ask that question in both good situations and bad situations..we can never just accept it.}

Bitter sweet day 9/11. On my drive back to school, flags were hung on every overpass over the highway, along the highway, every buisness had one flying high. We will never forget.

God Bless you all.

Martinieeze

My new favorite thing...happy hour downtown, dressing up with my girls, and talking over a drink or 2. Thursday night we decided on 300 First...

Our selections were the Smokin' Martinis. Pomegranante, Flir-tini, and Color me red. They put dry ice in the bottom of your drink, so it smokes and bubbles for about 5 minutes. There was a warning {do not drink beverage fast or "chug" it, if dry ice is consumed your throat will be burnt}

Lets just say i took just wittle baby sips for a long time, i'm a very cautious person.

Not to mention the great California rolls we had. (similiar to sushi;crab,rice,peppers,onions,seaweed, orange cream sauce.)

After, we went to meet up with some friends at a local pub and we watched the Saints VS Packers game. I love football. Jersey, leggings, my minnetonka moccasin fringe boots: whats better than that?

Sept. 21st is officially the last day of summer, but i say fall is already here.

From Martini's to Pumpkin Spiced Latte's.

Have a lovely friday, and a great weekend! I'm headed home for a family picture, meeting with our reception facility to talk catering/decorations etc. and pre-marital counseling on Sunday.

Too much success...

I had way too much success at the thrift store...

I will share with you my favorite item i purchased today. For only $3.99.

I urge you all to be patient and humble. Good things take time. And paying full price isn't necessary (most of the time.) Thrift away. My total bill was about 50 bucks...i got a pair of white capris, a dress, 2 sweaters, 3 shirts, 2 pairs of shoes, and white vintage plates....ooo and an old pot. Too much success can be a bad thing. Good thing my addiction is thrift stores and not Coach stores.

One thing my parents always taught me: Live within your means.

Loveeee.

{i love shoes.}

Latest style icon: Isabel Lucas

Isabel Lucas.

I love her style. I think the saying you wear the clothes, don't let the clothes wear you stands true in her case.

Probably doesn't help that she is gorgeous. I can't wait to go thrifting tomorrow. Hope to find some dish ware, retro dresses, and who knows what else :)

Who inspires you?

Labor Day Weekend Jibberish

Helloooooo.

I miss blogging so much. I miss taking pictures. I miss venting to everyone. I miss sharing my thoughts.

What i DON'T want is for this blog to:
-become school focused
-to be a chore instead of a pleasure
-to be only complaints
-to upload pointless photos (that is what facebook is for)

What i DO want is for this blog to:
-be an outlet to share my hopes and fears of my final year of college
-my thoughts about balancing relationships with friends, family and God while having a fiance, being a full time student, and working part time.
-to share photos of my life that have impacted me.
-to inspire others to do what they love
-to share my mistakes with others, so they can learn from them

* Quick saturday night thoughts on labor day weekend: